The Sign You've Been Looking For
I Probably Deconstructed Just To Justify My Sin?
“They are just changing their beliefs to justify their behavior.”
I’ve heard various versions of this quite often for years now from various sources. It’s actually the most baffling explanation posed by the conservative evangelical crowd I’ve come across. A friend of mine posted something like this recently and it got me thinking. Because I know this guy and know him to be a really good man with a sincere faith, it was difficult to just dismiss his words. Our relational history invited me to give his idea some thought - not that I think his concern is valid - just that it’s a genuine concern and probably merits a thoughtful response rather than a flippant dismissal.
Within my relatively small bubble of influence, I might be the poster boy for his way of thinking. For one, I am deconstructing my evangelical/fundamentalist tradition. Add to that the reality that I have, rather publicly, made some awful choices that have harmed others. See. There you go. I sinned. I deconstructed. Either the deconstruction opened the door for the sin or it serves to justify the sin. One is a sign for the other.
I can see how someone might leap to that conclusion.
But it just doesn’t work that way. Let me try to explain why.
I’ve been deconstructing since the 7th grade. That’s when I deconstructed the Baptist tradition I was handed that taught me that God didn’t do cool stuff anymore. I learned that the scriptural case for such cessationism was faulty. I learned to read and understand pertinent verses and passages differently. I spoke in tongues. In high school I deconstructed the tradition that excluded women from preaching, teaching, and leadership. Same process as above. After that, I changed my views on national Israel, realizing there is a distinction between loving the Jewish people and supporting national politics. I realized that a good chunk of prophetic writings in the Jewish scriptures were filled with critiques of the kings of Judah and Israel. I realized that, to be biblical, I probably shouldn’t blindly support that government just because of the flag, the land, or the name. About the same time, it occurred to me that God might not be a Reagan Republican who believes in Trickle Down Economics, that America isn’t the new Israel, and that attempts to marry Christianity to politics, on either side of the aisle, leads to something that is not Christianity.
I’ve deconstructed so many things. I went to a Bible college that taught me that Jesus turned water into grape juice because, obviously, drinking alcohol is wrong for everyone at all times. I no longer think that way. I read Hal Lindsey’s “The Late Great Planet Earth” in the 4th grade and I read the first few “Left Behind” books back in my 20s. I no longer believe in the rapture. I used to believe that an inspired Bible had to be inerrant and infallible. That seems crazy to me now. I used to believe the Bible was the Word of God, until I read the Bible and discovered that Jesus is the Word of God. The Bible is scripture, writings, Law, the letter, prophets, epistles, gospels, and apocalypse. But all of these point us to the Word who became flesh and dwelt among us.
I’ve been deconstructing since I gained the capacity of abstract thought in early adolescence and I’ve never stopped. But every religious tradition has non-negotiable boundary markers. For the Jews of Paul’s day, it was stuff like Sabbath keeping, circumcision, and kosher food laws. In my tradition, we have our own list of boundary markers, which include affirming some key doctrines: Penal Substitutionary Atonement (I stopped believing in that in about 2012), and Eternal Conscious Torment (I stopped believing in everlasting hell in 2014). Questioning these boundary markers triggers tremendous fear and defensiveness in the gatekeepers of tradition.
None of those adjustments in my beliefs were about justifying sin. I’m fascinated with God, with truth, with discovering and building an authentic faith. To repent means to change your thinking, your perspective, about exactly these kinds of things. It can also mean to change your behaviors, especially behaviors that are harmful to others. I’ve had to do both kinds of repenting many times and I’m sure I’m not yet done with that process.
My deconstruction had the opposite effect, helping me understand how my sin was far worse than I had ever thought. My process of deconstruction in recent years has only led me to stop justifying my sin. Before, I thought in terms of rules, transgression, guilt, and punishment. Now I think in terms of failing to love, harming others, abusing influence, manipulating, gaslighting, deceiving, and betraying. I wasn’t just guilty, I was toxic. harmful, part of, dependent on, and contributing to a system of power dynamics that are incompatible with the kingdom of Jesus. I was selfish, self-gratifying, self-promoting, self-delusional, and self-protecting. My deconstruction of a rules/guilt/punishment based gospel is leading me into a much deeper understanding of the harm I caused and the depth of my need for transformation and growth.
History shows that whenever conservative traditionalists are up in arms about the evils of change, they are rarely right. Not that they’re never right. But on the big issues, the track record is consistent. It is not difficult to think of the conservative Bible-believing preachers who have taught passionately and authoritatively from the scriptures that it was biblical to own humans, to keep women from voting, to silence women in the church, or to keep the races pure by prohibiting interracial marriage. And they always had a Bible verse or two or twenty to prove their point. It was the religious conservative who demonized MLK Jr and promoted Jim Crow. KKK chapters were not populated by progressives and liberals. History teaches us that those who passionately and religiously oppose movement towards inclusion and instead protect exclusion are rarely in the right. It was not religious progressives who shouted “crucify! crucify! when Jesus was on trial.
Isn’t it convenient that the contemporary conservative has it right this time? Oh wait. Contemporary conservatives always think that, but they rarely are. And the prophets who call them on it are always demonized by conservatives in their own generation and then venerated by conservatives of the next. Conservatives in the 60s despised MLK Jr. Today they love to post (certain) quotes from him one day a year. And I’m no prophet. Just an observer of prophets.
Deconstructing doesn’t lead to sin, it often leads to justice and righteousness. Abolitionism doesn’t lead to slavery, it leads toward freedom and equality. Suffrage doesn’t lead to sin, it leads to empowering and giving voice to half the population. It is not historically true that rethinking and reframing religious and social traditions leads to sin. Quite the opposite. Will my deconstruction lead to justice and righteousness in my life? I see hopeful signs. And, hopefully, those close by will see the signs too. It is their experience of me that will finish the story. Ultimately, that is the sign I look for with hope.